The Astrology of a Unique Friendship: an article written for my best friend’s 40th birthday

This is me and Sarah. We met when we were 4 years old, and this year we’ll both be forty. Sarah’s 40th birthday is today. We have a friendship that surpasses what most people would describe as a typical “best friends since school” dynamic. There are aspects of telepathy, feeling each other’s feelings, experiencing the same things at the same times – despite the fact that we live completely different lives and are 2000km apart. There’s an intuitive connection that seems to get stronger with every year that goes by. We speak daily (or leave voice messages) and each know that, no matter the circumstances, the other is probably the only person we know who is going to really, TRULY understand what we’re feeling; relate to it, validate it, gently point out any ways in which the other is maybe overreacting because of a known trigger, and offer support and love anyway. In this article I’m going to talk a bit about our synastry and why we have such a special friendship.

Synastry is a branch of Astrology primarily used for looking at relationship compatibility by overlaying two birth charts and seeing how they line up – which planets are in similar (or radically opposed) signs and houses and what kind of energies (harmonious or conflicting) are the two individuals’ planetary positions expressing to one another. If I do a synastry reading for someone it’s invariably for a romantic relationship. But I can use synastry for any relationship with any person and see the ways in which or souls and psychologies react and interact. Obviously, I’ve run synastry analyses with all sorts of people: friends, family members (VERY interesting because you see your karmic ties and realise that your family have most likely been your family before and there are certain things you all need to work through together etc.), colleagues, crushes etc. as well as romantic partners; and one synastry chart that absolutely blew me away was mine and Sarah’s (below).

The most noticeable thing here is our moon placement. There are 360 degrees in the zodiac. The moon changes sign every 2.5 days (so it moves approx. 30 degrees every 2.5 days) and is the fastest moving “planet” (in astrology we call it a planet – along with the sun – or we call them the “luminaries”). Me and Sarah were born 6 months apart (and during that time the moon changed zodiac signs approx. 75 times) but we have the moon not only in the same sign, but in the same degree. Three degrees of Aries – both of us. There are 12 signs of the zodiac, of which Aries is one. There are thirty degrees of Aries, of which 3 degrees is one. I’m no good at maths, but for two best friends to have the exact same moon sign AND degree is quite astounding. And why is this important? Because of what the moon symbolises.

The moon is our emotional self. The inner child. The one who can be playful, joyful, silly and eternally optimistic. This is the place from which we love. But it is also where we carry our trauma, our fears, our shadow. Moon signs are VERY important in relationships of any kind. If your moon is compatible with someone else’s moons (complimentary signs, elements or aspects) then there’s a good chance a relationship will work – even if the rest of the synastry chart looks awful. Why? Because if we don’t feel emotionally safe and nurtured in another’s presence, we will never feel fully secure in the relationship and we’ll never fully express our true selves around our partner.

Often we are drawn to people with totally different and quite incompatible moon signs. They can seem to us distant and emotionally unavailable. It is as if they somehow speak a different language to us, emotionally, and we encounter many blocks and painful misunderstandings when trying to foster connection and understanding on a deep level. This is usually because of differences in moon sign and element. As an Aries moon, I get on best with other fire moons, or air moons. I was married to a fellow Aries moon. And, based on my extensive experience of relationships (all of which I’ve thoroughly analysed from an astrological perspective, of course 😂🤷‍♀️), I’ve had a rule for several years now that I’ll only date fire or air moons – because they’re compatible with me and I’m not wasting any more time / hurting myself any more trying to make things work with people who are on another planet from me emotionally.

Air and fire moons are compatible because both appreciate spontaneity, intellectual rivalry and banter, piss taking and roasting, “ride or die” mentality, loud laughter and irreverent or black humour, provoking each other for fun, learning new things together and taking risks together, shaking things up and breaking routines, being incredibly independent even whilst together, openly embracing the ways in which they are often different from “mainstream society”, enjoying being rebellious etc. Air and fire moons can tell each other to f*** off and not get offended. There’s a great meme about a couple with fire / Aries energy – in the top image they’re both sitting in the front of the car and the driver says to the passenger “stfu” and the passenger says, “no, you stfu” and the image below is the steamy window in the back of the car a few moments later. For these folks, insults and rivalry can be foreplay, or a way of showing affection, and they are unlikely to take things personally, brood over stuff, or cry (unless it’s out of sheer frustration). These kinds of relationships bring joy and validation to both parties.

Water and Earth moons on the other hand tend to be a bit more emotionally sensitive and need to take things more steadily and slowly. They’re not that into spontaneity and sudden change. They can either be incredibly emotionally sensitive and take things really personally sometimes (especially Pisces and Cancer moon – water) or can come across cold and emotionally aloof and it takes a long time for them to trust, relax and open up (e.g. Virgo and Capricorn moon – earth). They can be passive aggressive (whereas Fire and Air moons are often just plain aggressive). If these types are with someone like them, then there’s probably an innate understanding that patience is required and an emotional bond needs to be built slowly and carefully. The layers are gradually peeled away as a connection is solidly built and deep emotions can be shared within a secure and predictable environment. Of course, there are exceptions. Taurus moons can be quite prone to spontaneous attraction and pleasure seeking and some water moons will leap head-first into deep emotional intimacy with people they barely know, but I’m digressing…

The point is, we all feel most at home emotionally with people whose moon sign and placement is complementary to ours, and it can feel like pushing a boulder up a hill when people with radically different moon signs keep trying to figure each other out and failing, again and again. Hurting each other, again and again. Me and my rough and ready Aries moon had a 3-year relationship with a deeply sensitive and idealistic Pisces moon man. When I felt really provoked by him, I would get petulant and say “Oh go f*** yourself,” thinking nothing of it. He would be deeply hurt by me speaking to him that way and would hold onto that hurt for months (and years) and think that I must really hate him on some level to be able to speak to him that way. My Virgo moon mother is the same. Takes it really personally if I lose my rag and swear. But to me, fire moon that I am, it means nothing; it’s just blowing off steam. And most other fire and air moons would instinctively get that and just say, “Yeah, f*** you back!” or start wrestling with you and then laugh about it. If you’ve seen Trailer Park Boys, the relationship Ricky has with Susan in the latter series’ is a prime example of this. Ricky is a 100% Aries archetype, through and through (whereas Julian has more earth and air energy – grounded, forward thinking and rational). Ricky and Susan get into an altercation when they first meet and shout and swear at each other and are very vulgar and then end up in bed together. Two Aries moons, in my opinion. I’ll often get really challenging towards people I like and, ultimately, it’s just a test – to see who’s going to stand up to me and give it back – 110%. It’s a form of foreplay.

Me and Sarah have never had a sexual relationship – just wanna make that clear 😉 But this kind of banter, taking the piss, provoking each other, doing crazy stuff together, being spontaneous and throwing caution to the wind – but also expressing deep and heartfelt love for one another with no barriers – is absolutely what our friendship has been like. Two fire moons will happily tell each other, any time of the day or night, how much they love each other. It might come out like, “I f**kin love you, ya dick,” but it’s 100% genuine 🙂 (Two water moons will also express how much they love each other, but will likely be much more poetic about it. Earth and air moons might struggle a bit with this and often need a fire or water moon partner to coax that cringey luvvy-duvvy stuff out of them).

I’m about to say more about my friendship with Sarah but first I just want to mention the fact that it has become visible to me when two friends have this kind of connection (identical moon signs). It’s a kind of vibe you don’t see that often but when you’re in the presence of two people who are completely emotionally attuned to one another, it’s immediately apparent, in my opinion. Last summer I met Robo Horvath and Milan Paulo on a rafting trip. It struck me almost immediately that these two had the same bond as me and Sarah. I guessed that they were both fire moons – and I also guessed that the sign was not Aries, but Sagittarius. In the pub, I got talking to them about astrology and they started talking to me about the depth and longevity of their friendship. They told me their birth details, I looked up their charts online and, what do you know? Two Sagittarius moons. This was one of those moments for me when I was like, “Damn, I really *am* good at astrology” and, “Wow, the universe makes so much sense.” ☺️

Moon conjunct moon, or moons in the same sign, is a soulmate connection. It’s more than just a friendship. It connotes a level of emotional understanding so deep that the other person can lead you to self-love through the unconditional love they show you. When we cannot accept, love or validate ourselves, our fellow-moon-sign friend will do it for us. (This is making me cry now.) Having a close friend like this is a blessing indeed. You love the other person for who they are; but, in many ways, they are also a mirror of who YOU are, so you are loving yourself too. That’s why it’s so goddamn HEALTHY. They make you feel so good about yourself because their presence and energy provides an environment in which your inner child feels safe enough to emerge. That’s why you can have so much fun with them and share yourself with them in a way you might struggle to do with others – even others you are technically “closer to,” like a partner or family members. The fellow-moon-sign friend is essentially a “soul sibling,” a cosmic and karmic family member who you likely knew before in previous lifetimes. That could be why they feel so familiar to you.

As you’re reading this, maybe you’re thinking of someone in your life; someone with whom you feel inexplicably at home – as if you’ve already known them for multiple lifetimes – and with whom your inner child can come out to play. It’s highly likely that whoever you’re thinking of has either the same moon sign as you, or their moon in the same element (so you’re both fire moons, or you’re both earth moons, both water or both air etc.). There are a couple of other synastry connections that can also create a similar feeling. My favourite person here in Slovakia has their moon conjunct my ascendant and their sun conjunct my descendant, my Venus and my Mars. It’s not the same on the emotional understanding and validation level as moon conjunct moon, but it does bring a deep feeling of trust, familiarity, understanding, and being seen and appreciated for who you really are.

The fact that me and Sarah not only have our moons in the same sign but also at the exact same angle brings karma and past life connections in to play. It’s my belief (and the belief of most astrologers, when looking at connections like this) that our souls made either a spoken or unspoken pact, in a past life, to meet again. These kinds of karmic connections can play out either very positively or very negatively. Sometimes we see karmic connections in synastry charts between people who are involved in a highly unpleasant and abusive relationship. And yet, because of this relationship, both of them are somehow put on a path that eventually leads them towards a much-needed evolution and transformation. Often karmic relationships come along to crack open our sense of self and bring about a huge metamorphosis, and that kind of thing rarely happens comfortably. It can be quite traumatic with some people.

Me and Sarah had a strong bond as children and as teenagers, but then drifted apart in our twenties. Despite our inherent similarities, we took incredibly different paths that made it difficult, at times, to relate to one another’s situation in life. When Sarah had her first child, I was studying for my Bachelor degree. When Sarah got married for the first time, I was living alone with my dogs in the Scottish highlands. When Sarah got divorced, I was moving in with my husband-to-be and getting pregnant. When I was a mum of young children, Sarah was the mum of a teenager. When I had my second child, Sarah bought her first home independently, without a partner. When I got divorced, Sarah got remarried. Now Sarah is raising small children as a full-time mum and I am working 3 jobs and starting my own business (so we’re both fulfilled, but tired and busy – in different ways). I think these contrasts made it difficult at times, in the past, for us to connect deeply. But they don’t matter anymore.

What is evident, is that both of us go through momentous life experiences at the same times – but in different ways. And that is because major planets transit (travel past) our natal moon at the same times. For example, when a woman has transit Jupiter conjunct her moon, it’s a time of greatly increased fertility and there’s a good chance of conception or childbirth at these times. I bought my first home and my first child was conceived during a Jupiter – moon transit and Sarah was simultaneously having the exact same transit, but a different experience. She left her “perfect husband” (someone handsome and lovely who her family and friends really approved of – me included – because she simply wasn’t fulfilled by the relationship, and got divorced – did what she needed to do in order to be true to herself – listened to her inner voice – also a very positive and important experience). That’s twelve or thirteen years ago now. Jupiter’s orbit takes 12 years, and during the past year it has returned to transit our moons again (Jupiter is currently in Aries). This time, Sarah has given birth to her third child and begun quite a deep investigation of her shadow and areas she needs to heal, and I have had to confront my shadow in the form of some rather intense feelings of broodiness, sadness and fear (that I’ll be alone forever and that I might not ever be pregnant again – which is a sad thought for me because I don’t feel that I’m “done” yet in that regard) – BUT I have completed a PhD. and “given birth” to the concept of this business – which feels like “my baby” and something that has been “gestating” somewhere in the back of my mind for a long time. Similar experiences; different manifestations.

The important thing here is that our experiences RESONATE with one another. From the big things (spiritual awakenings, healing the shadow self, past trauma resurfacing etc.) to the little things (almost identical incidents at similar times of getting into it with other drivers who can’t respect basic rules about who had right-of-way in car parks / junctions etc. – someone else might make me feel like a bad person for shouting “Are you beeping at me you TW*T???!!!” [that was last week, and in Slovak it was ruder] in a McDonald’s drive-thru, but not Sarah 😃).

Sarah got her first car at 17. Worked and earned the money to pay for it: a Vauxhall Nova. And she could be a terror behind the wheel; whereas I was a cyclist in Glasgow for years and didn’t get a car until my mid-twenties (a Ford Escort, similarly iconic to the Vauxhall Nova I’d say) – had a kid at 29 and then generally drove carefully and economically. These days she taxis her small children around in an SUV and has to tone things down a bit; whereas I’ve come to live in Slovakia where, I feel, it’s a bit “do or die” on the roads here so I’ve become a rather fast and VERY assertive (don’t want to say aggressive, but…) driver in order not to feel bullied by other road users. We both have similar driving styles, get triggered by the exact same bulls**t from other drivers, REFUSE to back down to anyone behind the wheel (Sarah once got out of her car carrying a steering-lock in her hands because she thought she was going to have to use it to fight another driver; I keep a couple of, ahem, “weapons” in my car), and we both find driving an incredibly important and therapeutic activity and NEED the independence, freedom and joy that having your own vehicle – and being able to blast out your favourite music whilst driving fast – affords. Neither of us can tolerate low horsepower, or weakness in general from a machine, and neither of us would be able to tolerate organising our desires for spontaneous trips around public transport timetables. It’s all Aries moon stuff 😀

As me and Sarah have grown older, the bond has become less about venting and validating each other’s feelings and more about personal growth. Over the past 2 to 3 years the regularity with which we speak has meant that both of us are really well informed about the other’s emotional state, experiences and development…. almost like we are therapists for one another. And when one of us is distressed, triggered, anxious etc. the other one can ground us and remind us: “You feel this way because of this thing, this sensitivity, this past experience that you’re being subconsciously reminded of,” etc. And an increased awareness of one another’s weaknesses, triggers and shadows has led both of us towards facing any demons we have and embracing them. Sarah in particular has had some very challenging experiences over the past few years that a weaker person would perhaps use as an excuse for victim mentality, learned helplessness and generally blaming others (or forces outside her control) for some of the sh*tty blows life has dealt. But, instead of doing that, Sarah has focused inwards and worked on self-awareness and self-actualisation. She has begun to really follow her heart where hobbies, interests and friendship connections are concerned (I feel like I’m writing a school report now). And me too. We’ve both been doing shadow work and healing – for ourselves and for one another. And I feel that we have, to use spiritual language, “raised our vibration” quite significantly. In previous years our conversations would often centre around things we were p*ssed off about, people who annoyed us, things we’d experienced or witnessed that seemed unjust; talking about other people and their issues, talking about our boyfriends / husbands, sex etc. But these days – even though those topics do still surface sometimes – the vast majority of our airtime is focused on things we’ve realised about ourselves and what we’re doing to work on and improve these things. Or lovely experiences we’ve had and things we’re grateful for. Or talking over past events that were in some way traumatic for us and getting that out and releasing it and moving forwards. Talking about aspirations, dreams and goals. Beautiful little coincidences and synchronicities we’ve experienced recently. Significant dreams. Nature. Spirituality. Crystals, chakras, Reiki etc. Healing. Manifesting. Pretty metaphysical stuff (interspersed with kids screaming in the background, coffee machine and kettle noises and us muttering “F**k’s SAKE, sorry, hang on a minute,” and dealing with our dogs and kids). I have to admit, these kind of conversations make it difficult for me to enjoy mundane conversations with people these days, so I find the circle of people I can truly engage with shrinking because I can no longer tolerate surface level or superficial conversations (which are generally the norm for most human interactions). I will always try to drive conversations towards something deep, meaningful and potentially quite personal, and this makes many people feel uncomfortable.

It’s funny because often, as we get older, we outgrow a lot of relationships. But this one is different. It’s like, the older we get, the more we grow in to it; like something made of stiff leather that needs years to begin to fit perfectly. The more we evolve as individuals, the deeper and richer our mutual connection is. These days we are completely and brutally open with one another about everything so I cannot imagine any kind of unspoken resentment (of the kind that causes major rifts between friends) building up. To have this kind of healthy, long-term relationship is pretty important for two people who have both experienced multiple romantic disappointments and divorce.

In the case of me and Sarah it is not just the exact conjunction of our moons that makes us so good for each other as friends. It is a very strong bond to have, but there are other supporting aspects as well, when you look at the synastry chart. You can see a large blue triangle in the centre of the chart and this is called a Grand Trine. Not so common, and another very positive marker of a strong connection. The blue lines in the chart represent where energies between her planets and mine are flowing in a harmonious and compatible way (red lines denote harsher aspects that may cause tension, misunderstanding and challenge).

You can also see (though I realise it’s hard to “read” such a graphic if you don’t know the basics of astrology) that most of Sarah’s Pisces and Aries planets (Mercury, Sun, Moon and Mars) all fall in my first house of self – meaning that she very much had my attention from the get go. Several of my planets fall in her fourth and fifth houses, meaning she potentially sees me as family. Although my Venus and Mars are in Leo and hers are in Aries, we both have these important planets in signs that share the same element: fire. We are both strong, fiery and independent women who absolutely will not be controlled, by anyone. And we recognise and appreciate that about each other. The fact that both of us have the dreamy and spiritual planet of Neptune in positive aspect to the other person’s Venus (love, beauty, art etc.) lends a spiritual dimension to the relationship. Together, we enjoy broadening our horizons to learn about next level stuff, and appreciating what is beautiful in the world (hiking up mountains to watch sunsets and sunrises, for example).

We do have our differences though. Sarah’s chart has a lot more Water energy than mine (Pisces Sun and Mercury, Cancer Rising). That means she can initially come off as kinder than me – her nurturing and loving qualities are closer to the surface than mine, and people could – at times – mistake her for a soft touch. She has worked in the care sector, and this is something I could never do. My chart is ruled by Aquarius and I have a lot of Aquarian energy in various places throughout my chart, and that can give me a cool and detached air when I don’t know people well (or I come across as holier-than-though and intellectually superior maybe. Soz.). But, despite those differences, Cancer and Aquarius care about the same thing: helping others. Cancer wants to take care of people in a hands-on, motherly, nurturing way. Aquarius wants to take care of people by fiercely fighting for the rights of minority groups, protesting, and leading the liberal revolution. Accordingly, Sarah is directly supporting women and birthing people in her local area and working to improve maternity rights. I’m doing what I can here in conservative Slovakia to support and defend student centred education, gentle parenting, progressive politics, the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community etc. and proudly flaunting rainbows, and my generally liberal views and approach to teaching etc., everywhere. Same goal, different manifestations.

From a communicative and academic point of view, my Virgo placements (Sun and Mercury) make me naturally suited to academic spheres and completely comfortable with intellectual activities like writing and teaching. My mind works logically and methodically, processing information in a relatively detached way – sorting and sifting and looking for patterns, logic and truth. Sarah has Sun and Mercury in Pisces, which means that her intellectual processes are shot through with the kaleidoscope of emotion. She doesn’t want to coldly analyse. She will engage when she *feels* engaged. When she is passionate about something. When something speaks to her and triggers an emotional response. She is therefore ideally suited to working with people rather than data, and working in an arena where she can support people and improve their mental and physical health and their living conditions in a tangible way that makes both them and her feel good.

We both have a career path (Midheaven or MC) with the energy of very spiritual signs (Sagittarius and Pisces), suggesting that both of us have abilities as teachers / healers / guides of some kind. All the fire energy we have can make us both “shine”, and I think there’s a yellowish aura about both of us. Perhaps we are both lightworkers. When we were younger, our vibes were definitely responsible for attracting the wrong kind of people at times, but as we’ve matured we’ve both become MUCH more discerning about who we share our energy with and become more adept at speaking and holding boundaries – with each other’s support.

There’s so much more I could say about Sarah, our friendship and our synastry, but I think it’s quite enough. I hope my gratitude for this connection and everything it’s teaching me (and all the healing it brings to both of us) comes across clearly in what I’ve written.

Happy birthday my dear friend. Looking forward to at least another 40 years of being soul sisters.

L xXx

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